written in December 2009
More detailed description of things I've learned below
(all quotes are real, with original emphasis preserved)
making it the best all knowing awesome homing device, ever.By conclusion, no other device before Droid could show a 3D perspective map, take voice commands or give directions by voice.
Web browsing on a Droid is superior because it brings you the web in
all its glory and all its attended pixels. Other mobile browsers either cut back on "glory" or fail to show certain pixels.
Surfing the web on a Droid also allows you
to reach the farthest expanses of its universe, deepest depths of its oceans. All this
without getting as much as a grain of sand in your shorts. This suggest that, previously, males somehow had problems with sand in their lower regions when surfing the web.
Apparently, Verizon ships Droid phones with stealth fighter jets flying in a tight formation. The phones rest in capsules mounted on top of missiles that are blindly shot by the jets. These missiles are dangerous since they make noticeable craters and can destroy trees and scare horses which would cause them to throw their rider off the saddle.
Occasionally the missiles are shot into the sea which suggests that Droid is waterproof. This last conclusion is further backed up by the fact that Droid helps you to reach the
deepest depths of [the Web's] oceans.
giant screen. It's a 'whopping' 0.2 inch (5 mm) bigger in diagonal comparing to its main competitor. People are expected to have vision precise enough to notice this slight gain in diagonal, but are treated as if they cannot grasp the difference between screen size and screen resolution.
run thousands of Android apps with axle-greased ease.Everybody operates with axle grease regularly, already knows what "Android" is and nobody really needs to see what are these thousands of apps actually capable of.
Instead of a smart phone, we built a robot phone,because you can make a robot crush rocks or have a
hole punched through a steel wall.This addresses some common, everyday needs.
It is suggested that your other phone cannot search for the word "human", or at least does a poor job at doing so. Droid optimizes the search for "human" because it is clear that mostly robots are actually using the phone, and they want to research humans for some reason—probably to find out what they like and crush those things in a hydraulic press.
Apart from being obviously superior by making a Google search, Droid can also search your contacts for the word "human", but should find nothing because
it would be weird to have one. Should you anywhere in the world meet a person or do business with a company with "human" in their name, entering that information in your Droid phone either makes you weird or doesn't guarantee that search will find it.
does swap semi-functional giggling brat vanity for a bare-knuckle bucket of 'does'. Should this wording be ambiguous to some people, the video clarifies by showing several bright-colored phone cases crushed in a hydraulic press. If you have a feminine phone case, you're a
giggling bratwith a vanity problem, and you should watch more boxing and get manly.
prettyphone is a
tiara-wearing, digitally clueless beauty pageant queen.It's a
precious porcelain figurine of a phone.You shouldn't really have a dumb, pretty phone made out of porcelain, because (as demonstrated) porcelain can be crushed in a hydraulic press. It is quite possible that Droid can withstand being crushed.
princess. With Droid you either can't do that (which is hard to believe, since clear reflections are visible on the Droid) or are strongly discouraged from this practice.
racehorse duct-taped to a scud missilefast. It
surfs the web with the speed and power of a pro surfer at pipeline.If you ever fantasized to have
wave-shredding web speedso you could
rip through the web like a circular saw through a ripe banana, Droid is the phone for you.
I'm an intelligent human being. Which of the two advertising models do you think treats me as such?